The Heist of the Desks (originally posted 6/14/09)

An annoying by-product of the technological age are the forwards you receive that usually tell a story and, at the end, feature the wise person using a didactic tone to state a moral for us to go about living our lives. An example forwarded by my good friend John to myself and to the rest of his Weekend Update distribution list has led to a recurring in-joke. Obviously, the poignancy of this particular story did not resonate with us.


Our fable begins opening day in school in September 2005. Our protagonist/antagonist is Martha Cothren, a social studies teacher at Robinson High School in Little Rock, Arkansas, who came up with a brainstorm and, with the support of school officials, had all of the desks from her classroom removed before the first period students arrived on the first day.


School bell rings. The first period students arrive. "Ms. Cothren, where're our desks?"


"You can't have a desk until you've told me what you have done to earn the right to sit at a desk."


"Well, maybe it's our grades," the students reasonably replied.


"No."


"Maybe it's our behavior," the students replied, again reasonably.


"No, it's not even your behavior."


(I would have walked out of the classroom by now.)


Other classes came in during their assigned periods and could not correctly guess the deep answer, and TV crews started gathering in the classroom to report on the attention-seeking teacher.


Finally, during the last period, the useless teacher declared, "Throughout the day, no one has been able to tell me just what he/she has done to earn the right to sit at the desks that are ordinarily found in this classroom. Now, I am going to tell you." I can believe that no one would have gotten the answer. I did not know the answer. The combined forces of Einstein, Da Vinci, Edison, and Steven Hawking wouldn't have gotten the stupid answer, either, so I would not have much faith that an Arkansas high school student, residing in a state notorious for having among the lowest educational scores in a country ranked in the high thirties (30's) in the world in education (if memory serves), would have figured it out.


The teacher opened the classroom door. "Twenty-seven (27) U.S. Veterans, all in uniforms, walked into that classroom, each carrying a school desk." (I know I could have condensed this last sentence without having to quote the line directly, but I found the writer's need to put the number 27 in parenthesis hilarious.) The veterans put the desks back where they should have been to begin with and then stood against the wall.


Bring it home for us, Ms. Cothren: "You didn't earn the right to sit at these desks. These heroes did it for you. They placed the desks here for you (huh?). Now, it's up to you to sit in them. It is your responsibility to learn, to be good students, to be good citizens. They paid the price so you could have the freedom (huh? huh?) to get an education. Don't ever forget it."


Where do I begin? First, all of the nations that have had the military might to conquer us placed a higher premium on education than we do nowadays, if results and our fascination with Reality TV are any indication. Therefore, if we were conquered by the former Soviet Union, or Nazi Germany, or Imperial Japan, I am sure we would still receive an education and even have desks to sit in. Does anyone recall the black-and-white propaganda films from these warmongering nations showing attentive students paying attention to the stern teacher? We would no longer be learning how to put a condom on, and the education may have been streamlined and jingoistic, but at least we would have been educated. Probably more effectively, too.


Also, I hope one of the students was not on crutches. Remember, this was the first day of school, and who would have known if any student had a medical issue? Would a desk have been provided for the student, or would the bitch have insisted on continuing with her little stunt and let the student lean against a wall? What about any obese students who cannot stand for long periods of time?


You can see the story that inspired this blog by visiting www.veteransforachange.org/, which also features more appropriate ways to honor veterans. If you really want to honor veterans, attend a Memorial Day parade ON MEMORIAL DAY or volunteer at a V.A. hospital. If you want others to empathize with the sacrifices made to protect our country, have a widow speak on how devastating it was losing her husband to war, or show a movie such as Gettysburg or the Battle of the Bulge or a documentary, or have a disabled veteran speak about the horrors of war. (However, if you do the latter, please provide a seat for the veteran.)


As of 2007, Arkansas still ranks below the national average in NAEP scores in math, reading, science, and writing.